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On our drive to the birth center, my contractions were really intense and still really close together. It’s normally about a 15 minute drive, but of course today, there was traffic! I did my best to focus on my breathing and to talk to Ryan in between contractions.  There was one particular contraction that I still remember, as we were getting on the highway, that lasted for what felt like forever.

We finally pulled in to the parking lot of the birth center. The little side door for laboring Mamas opened and I cannot even tell you how excited I was to see that it was my favorite Midwife who was on call! I really liked most of the Midwives at the birth center, but Gina was my absolute favorite. Any time I had her for a prenatal visit I’d tell her how much I hoped she would be the on call Midwife when it was time. I felt a deep connection to her.

As soon as I got to the door, I had one of my more intense contractions. It stopped me in my tracks. I held onto the door for support and breathed through it while I listened to Gina tell me to breathe and that I was doing a great job working through this contraction. Her voice was so comforting. I was immediately at ease and so grateful to be able to give birth in this space with some really great people.

The birth center has 4 rooms for laboring families. Each room is setup like a bedroom or home like environment. There is a king size bed, a huge, beautiful tub for laboring (and if you want to, also give birth in), there is one counter with a sink, a few cupboards for supplies, and a walk in shower/ toilet area. The decor in the room makes you feel like you are in a home. There are almost no signs of it being a medical environment at all, though they have all the necessary supplies should someone need them. This particular birth center was less than 5 minutes away from a hospital and had a great working relationship with them. The transition, if necessary, was always a smooth one.

As we stepped into our room, the lights were dimmed and the water was running in the birthing tub. They had a diffuser with lavender in it that was filling the room. I can literally still put myself in that moment. I knew this was exactly where we were meant to bring our son into the world. Our amazing nurse, Natalie was waiting for us in the room. She ended up being one of my favorite people ever!

She immediately asked if I wanted to labor in the tub for awhile. I was so ready to get in. I literally walked in the room and took my dress off before Ryan could put our stuff away. I had been looking forward to the tub for a long time. As soon as I got in, I knew exactly why other Mamas labored and gave birth in there. It was instant relief. My whole body relaxed. The warmth of the water on my skin was everything. I had kind of hoped for most of my pregnancy that I would be giving birth in the water, but knew that plans change in the moment and that birth is so unpredictable that I may not end up doing it (which I don’t this time either.)

My contractions were still really big and make it hard to concentrate on anything else while they’re happening. I am still just breathing through them and find for me that making low noises helps me to remember to relax my body through them also. Ryan pulled up a stool next to the tub holding my hand and encouraging me through each contraction. In between each one we’re still talking and laughing. The mood in the room is light and really positive. Somewhere along the way Ryan turned on the music on his phone. Our favorite punk rock band is playing in the background and it’s all exactly how I envisioned it.

The nurse takes a quick listen with their waterproof heart monitor and is happy with Ryker’s heartbeat which puts me even more at ease. I am loving that even though I had a really beautiful, positive experience in the hospital when I gave birth to Brooklyn, that there are noticeable differences already. I wasn’t immediately stuck with an IV as soon as I walked in the door (and actually don’t have one the entire time we’re there), I’m not laboring or won’t be giving birth in the bed (unless I want to), I am being 100% supported in all of my decisons and am in complete control.

Don’t get me wrong, as I said before, my previous experience giving birth in a hospital was a great one. I think it can be absolutely necessary at times too. I think it is a beautiful thing they we all have different preferences and that they can and should be honored. The biggest negative for me with birthing in a hospital was how medical the whole experience was (go figure! Haha!). As soon as I found out it didn’t have to be that way, I was intrigued and basically spent the two years after Brooklyn was born learning everything I could about giving birth either in a birth center or at home.

After being in the tub for some time, I decided to get out to use the toilet. While on the toilet I have several intense contractions. I really don’t want to get up at this point and our nurse, Natlie, tells me I can stay there as long as I want to and that a lot of women find laboring on a toilet to be beneficial. So, that’s what I do! Haha! For a long time too. Natalie brought some wooden blocks to stick under my feet so my knees and legs are raised. She explained that they used to use this technique back in the day. This puts me in a good position to get baby moving down and opens my pelvis.

After a while I start having really intense lower back pain during my contractions, but notice that it’s not completely going away in between them either. Natalie suggests that we try the shower and that Ryan can use the detachable shower head to run hot water on my back. That immediately helps. I start feeling pressure and that insane urge to push while we’re in the shower. During my next contraction I do my best to relax my body and not tense up like I want to. I feel my water begin to leak and look down and notice I’m bleeding quite a bit too. Our midwife asks if I’d like to check dilation since I’m feeling pushy and am having a lot of changes. I decide to go ahead and get checked. She tells me I’m 8 cm dilated and almost completely effaced. I’m honestly a little discouraged that I’m only at an 8 and already feeling the urge to push. I know that my body still has a lot of hard work to do.

I get in the tub again, but only for a short time. While in the tub, I begin to get nauseous and tell Ryan I’m going to puke. I know, even though it sucks, puking is usually a good sign while in labor as it usually indicates the end is near. Natalie brings over a “barf bucket” and a wet washcloth with a little peppermint oil on it to calm the nausea, which instantly works.

At this point, I’m fighting hard to keep my focus and am having to constantly change positions. NOTHING is comfortable right now. I get out of the tub and pace the room. That lower back pain will not go away. I lean over the counter by the sink for a few contractions and continue to leak amniotic fluid and am still bleeding a lot. I am now feeling really desperate and am in tears. I feel the exhaustion take over my body and move to the bed. I find that leaning over the wood railing at the foor of the bed helps the backpain some and helps me brace myself for the almost constant contractions now.

I remember feeling completely out of my body, but all in my head at this point. I also remember thinking, “I wonder how long it would take to get an ambulance here to take me to the hospital for either an epidural or to just get this baby out of me”. I was DONE! I kept saying I was so tired and that I couldn’t do this anymore. I also deep down know that like with every woman, when you’ve reached this place, where you cannot go on for one more second and that you feel like giving up, the end is likely near.

I don’t even remember how much time had passed, but Gina suggests that I change positions again and get checked if I’d like to again. They suggest moving to the tub and there is literally nothing that sounds worse at that point. (I’m still bummed I didn’t just go for it!). Gina and Natalie are offering up different positions to try and finally suggest the birth stool. It is the craziest little metal contraption that puts you in a squatting position, it has no seat and is completely open in the middle and front of it. Basically it’s a few metal bars that you use to sit on for support with squatting.

This time when Gina checks me she says that I’m fully dilated and can start pushing when I feel ready. Ahhh, the moment we all wait for! My stomach does a flip and the tears are rolling down my face, I am so close to meeting my little boy!! Ryan pulled up a stool (a regualr one, haha!) behind me to help hold me and so I could use him to push back against while trying to push a baby out. That’s some tough shit!

So, at midnight I begin pushing. For the next 21 minutes, I pull from all of the strength and love surrounding me in the room. I find strength within myself that I didn’t even know was there and I use the energy, love and support of my husband behind me. I listen to Gina’s soft voice as she holds a mirror below me to watch our baby moving down. I can hear Ryan’s voice in my ear, never stopping the encoragement. His arms are wrapped around mine and I am leaning all of my weight into him. He is literally helping me push our baby out. In between contractions & pushing we are laughing and talking about what our baby is going to look like. Gina can now see a FULL head of hair! I reach down and feel his head and all that hair and can see it in the mirror. This gives me all the motiavtion I need to give a final huge push on my next contraction. I feel his whole body move down as Gina reaches to catch our baby boy.

She immediately hands him up to me. I notice first his head completely full of dark brown hair. He is so chunky. His body feels heavy and his skin is perfectly soft. I move his head to look at his sweet face and his eyes. Our eyes meet immediately and I see his Daddy in them right away. Tears are rolling down my face and I keep saying, “I love you, I love you, I love you”, over and over again. He is so peaceful and calm just staring at me. He lets out a few cries and I kiss him. I turn back to kiss Ryan and thank him for being there for me.

I am in complete awe of the beauty of this moment. The amount of peace and calm in the room is unreal. At 12:21am, on March 26,2016, with the help of my amazing husband, I delivered our 8 lb 4oz baby boy. Every second of his birth was beautiful. Every pain was worth it. I have never felt more powerful in my life. I am filled with a love like no other and can hardly wait to bring this incredible boy home to meet his eager big sister.

I think there is something beautiful, empowering, even healing about documenting our birth stories. If you haven’t documented yours in some way already, I encourage you to try it.

For me, documenting the births of my children transports me back to the exact place and moments in time that my body did the unthinkable and brought an actual human into this world. Giving birth to my first child truly changed every part of my being in a single instance. Her birth is the reason I have a passion for birth and have decided to build a life and career around that. Her birth made me a Mom. Her birth changed the way I had spent 28 years thinking about myself and my body. Because of her birth, for the first time in my life, I didn’t think my body was broken. Her birth brought me to life!

I won’t be sharing her birth just yet, though. Today, just in time for his very FIRST birthday, I will be sharing the story of the night I met my beautiful son.

As birth does, Ryker’s birth changed me. It will forever leave an imprint on my soul and is something I will always carry close to my heart. Ryker’s birth reaffirmed the fact that I am capable of so much more than I give myself credit for and that my husband could literally be the world’s greatest Doula if he ever wanted to venture down that road. Haha! It truly gave me a deeper appreciation for my husband though and made me feel more connected to him than I ever had. Ryker’s birth was calm & peaceful. It was empowering and took every ounce of strength I had in my body and then some. His birth was not in a hospital, but in a birth center and was more beautiful than I had imagined. His birth was surrounded by love. His birth was everything I had hoped for.

Ryker’s Birth Story:

On the morning of my due date, 3/25/16, I woke up to drive my Husband to work because we had just had a blizzard a few days earlier and his car had broken down in it. We loaded up Brookie into the car and as I climbed into the driver’s seat I felt the slightest amount of leaking. I thought it could be my waters, but then thought really it could be nothing. Heck, it could be pee! As I do, I decided to ignore it. Unless it was really obvious and really begging for my attention, it was probably nothing, right?  Let’s be honest, when we’re THAT pregnant our bodies do some crazy, kind of gross stuff anyway.

As the morning went on, I was receiving the usual, “Happy Due Date! Any baby yet?” texts. I answered them all the same. I felt fine, no signs of labor, I was in no rush, he’ll get here soon enough, and kept thinking there was no way he was coming on his due date. Even though I felt a bit “off” I’m the type of person who doesn’t quickly admit that things are actually happening. I was that way with my first too! I guess I don’t like causing a commotion. Haha! I was also having some mild contractions, but shrugged those off because I had been having those on and off for days now. I figured that my body was just preparing for the real thing.

I spent most of the morning loving on my daughter. I had been super emotional when it came to her for most of my pregnancy. Knowing that the end of our alone time was getting closer only made it worse. Just looking at her would bring me to tears most days. I was not prepared for the bittersweet feeling of having a second baby.

After taking a shower, I went to the bathroom and when I wiped I lost part of my mucus plug. That disgusting booger is still the creepiest part about the whole process for me. It was totally traumatizing when it happened with Brooklyn, but I’ll save that for her story. I continued to call Ryan and keep him updated. I assured him that I wasn’t actually in labor and that my body was probably just preparing. I knew that losing your mucus plug doesn’t automatically spell labor and that we could still have days or even weeks………

I called my youngest sister to ask for help around the house and to have her bring lunch. By the time she had arrived, I had began to lose my appetite and was feeling kind of “sick”. I called Ryan again to update him. This time he decided that he was coming home and starting his parental leave today. When he told me that, I started to face the fact that I may be in labor. Shit was getting real!! Funny that it took my husband to know I was actually in labor.

My sister went to pick Ryan up from work. While they were gone, I got to the point that I now had to start focusing on the contractions I was having. They were still not yet painful, just uncomfortable. I sat on my bed and held Brooklyn’s hand, not wanting our time to end, but anxious to meet our sweet boy. As she always is and always has been, she was my rock. She was so calm and just being in her presence put me at ease.

I already had my 40 week appointent scheduled for that day, so Ryan and I planned to head to that and see what our Midwife had to say. I explained to her all that was happening and had her check if the fluid leak I had earlier was my waters. She confirmed that I was in early labor, my waters had not yet ruptured and we should head home and prepare to be back at the birth center later that evening. She said, we’d be meeting our baby tonight or tomorrow! OMG! So many mixed emotions hit me at that moment. I was really about to give birth again! I was really going to be a Mom of TWO! There was no turning back! And, I’m in labor ON my due date! Crazy!

When we got home, Brooklyn had fallen asleep for her nap on the couch. My eyes filled with tears as I watched her sleep so peacefully, knowing her world was about to change forever. I wanted to really take that moment in and hold on to the image of her for later in my labor when I knew I’d need to draw on the strength she gives me.

I decided to take another shower. Showers are my best friend while in labor. While in the shower my contractions felt like they may be getting more intense. When I got out, Ryan had just finished packing up the car. Brooklyn was awake now and hanging with her Aunty and Daddy. I sat with them to relax and was noticing I was having to now pause from the intensity of my contractions. Ryan began to time them and immediately saw that in the short time we had been home my contractions had become alarmingly close together. His contraction app on his phone said “now is the time to get to the hospital” (or something like that!). I was kind of in disbelief because we had just got home from the birth center and had only been in early labor. I was expecting to be heading back much later in the evening or even overnight. Not right now!

My heart began to race a little and my stomach was doing flips. Deep down I knew that if we waited any longer, we may not make it in time and I was not about to have a baby in the car! I held on so tightly to Brookie and explained over and over how much I love her and that she will always be my baby and that I was going to the birth center to meet her baby brother. I promised her that we would be back soon. I didn’t want to let go! We had my sister take a few pictures and gave our last hugs and kisses.

We walked out to the car and I continued to have some pretty intense contractions. I got in the front seat where Ryan had put a couple towels over the seat. I knew I’d have to hug the back of the seat to brace myself for the drive back to the birth center. Laboring in a car is by far the most uncomfortable, anxiety inducing, messed up thing I’ve ever experienced! And, I had now experienced it twice. As we pulled away I saw Brookie in the window of our house, waving goodbye. I held back tears as another contraction hit me full force.

TO BE CONTINUED……….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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